Nate's "Monster"

Spring cleaning uncovered this treasure. Last October when I was wasting my time at the OB's trying to diagnose thrush, Nate found some brochures. Nate LOVES medical brochures. Perhaps he's preparing for a future filled with "sudden urges to urinate" or "erectile dysfunction." Anyway, he decorated this one. Per his explanation, this is "a monster and these are the good guys trying to DEE-STROY it."

Full of Blarney

We celebrated the 17th in style.

When did leprechaun traps become an essential part of the elementary curriculum? We can't say "God" or even mention Christmas in public schools, but my children now have a fervent belief in and knowledge of leprechauns. The boys are painting shirtless in preparation of growing into men who work outside shirtless (thank me in 10 years, girls).

Jake is very disappointed he didn't catch one. Because he thinks they are real.

Gabe is still upset I didn't realize 1st graders also made the traps (I'm guessing the papers got mixed on Friday in the peechee scramble, and I assumed it was only a kindergarten project). Mom failure number one.

Nate is truly a little hooligan. Preschool suspension, probable expulsion = mom failure number two. Sigh. (Not letting the teacher, who didn't inform me of his issues for more than six months, off the hook though.)

Pete. This one I would like to suspend at this age forever.

Oh yes, I did take it that far. Whatever . . . you know you wish you had the guts.

Mom failure number three: Completely forgetting to take dinner into my visiting teachee. Crap. Must have been those leprechauns.


By the way, I've decided to boycott the daylight savings time change from here on out. Who's with me?

Showdown at the Walmart Restroom

There were several possibilities for this title.

Old woman who forgot her anxiety medication.

To pee or not to pee, that is the question.

Mind your own business.

Loony on the loose in the loo.


Anyhow, here's the lowdown. I went to Walmart today. Not by choice, because honestly, who shops there unless it's a necessity. Oh I suppose there's someone out there who actually enjoys the toothless cashiers, the grimy floors, and the disarray on every aisle and wants to read People magazine while waiting forty minutes in line to purchase $30 dollars worth of china-made crap, but that wasn't what I was in the mood for today.

I was looking for a new, smaller booster seat, so I was meeting my husband there. Hence, I had all four boys with me. My cart was loaded with Pete in the front, Jake and Nate in the basket, and Gabe walking alongside me. Consistent with the unwritten rule of Walmart shopping, Gabe had to go to the bathroom as soon as we walked in the doors. The thing you must know is that Gabe either has a micro-sized bladder or no "warning sensors." Basically, when he's got to go, he's got to GO NOW. So we all went.

As I walk into the bathroom, still pushing my cart full of boys (because the other rule is When One Needs to Go, They All Need to Go), an older woman walks up in front of me and says: "Your son is too old to use this bathroom."

She's standing next to Pete, so I think she's joking. "Oh, you mean the baby," I say back with a laugh.

And then she got NASTY. "No, your older son. He's much too old to use this bathroom," she snaps.

"No." I state, very firmly. "He's only 7, and he's going in here with me."

"You shouldn't bring him in here. He's TOO OLD" she starts yelling. Along with a bunch of other not nice things.

"No," I repeat, "I'm keeping him with me." Meanwhile I'm catching the leaping Nate who needs to go potty and still needs help getting his pants out of the way (and making sure he doesn't pee all over the seats, because I'm nice like that).

The woman keeps on with her rant, to the astonishment of two other ladies in the bathroom. She leaves with a flourish, shouting at me "You need to GROW UP!"

I look at the other ladies and say, "Well, I'm not sending him into the men's room by himself with all the perverts running around." And they kinda nodded, but I wished they'd have said something more supportive.

Because SERIOUSLY. Has anyone ever had a problem with a mom taking her children in to the women's restroom? That's what you do folks, even when all God's given you are boys.

Talk about making an unpleasant chore even worse. I didn't even feel better when I saw her later in the store and loudly said to my husband, "There's the lady who couldn't mind her own business in the bathroom."

To which she yelled, "Keep your kid out of the bathroom!"

So I yelled back, "Get a life!" Because I'm the bigger person.

So here I sit totally irritated by this cranky lady and thinking of all the other things I should have said to her. Maybe:

"I'm an attorney and I've read too many criminal cases to let my child go into a busy men's restroom unaccompanied."

"Clearly you've never had any of your own children, so don't tell me how to raise mine."

"That's it boys, mama's had it with the crazy lady. Line up and FIRE!"

"I'm sure he'd be more traumatized by seeing you in a stall than you'd be by seeing him."

I don't know. What would you have done?

P.S. The other thing that bugs. . . Gabe asked me, "Mom, what did I do wrong?" I assured him he did nothing wrong because he did what I told him to do. Ooooh, the nerve of some people.


The morning after: Check out this answer, and make sure you click on the links. Yeah, I'm keeping my boys with me for several more years.